"By psychological work we are changed. In spiritual work we are revealed: we manifest our inner wholeness in conscious daily life."

— David Richo

What is a Relateful Gathering?

Introduction: Drop into your experience. Connect with yourself at this moment through a brief (sometimes just 5 seconds) meditation.

Group exploration: Discover as a group what it’s like to be together. This is less structured and more of a co-creation. Connect, laugh, jump around, sit silently, lean into an edge, share a boundary: there’s no one “right” way to show up.

If you feel lost, I’m excited. I’d love for you to show up just having some sense that this is where you want to be. However, if you do want a more practical description, keep reading. Here are some guiding principles for creating more mindful and nourishing connections I’ve found helpful:

Principles

Beginner's Mind

“Instead of sitting with someone and thinking you know what you, them, or the relationship will be like… you pay attention. See it with fresh eyes. Drop your preconceived ideas and just look clearly at what’s in front of you. Pay attention to your experience clearly and freshly. When you notice preconceived ideas arise, thinking you know how it will be… just notice that.” - Leo Babauta

Notice what it's like to be you right now

What are you already aware of? What do you notice in your body? This could be a specific sensation, like a tightness in the gut. It could also be a lack of feeling. What do you notice emotionally? Mad, sad, glad, shame, or whatever way of describing it feels the most true for you. What thoughts do you notice? This may include ideas, hopes, art, connections to other areas of your life, or even resistance to noticing: the list is endless!

Bring what ya got

Reveal your internal experience and give others a chance to see you. If you’re excited, let it out. If you’re embarrassed, describe what it’s like. If you feel a resistance to share your internal world because you don’t trust us to receive it, you can share that! Silence or stillness are also a powerful choice of expression. By sharing who you are in this moment you are also reinforcing that you are worthy of being in a relationship just the way you are.

Be with the other in their world

Explore the subjective experience the other person is having. Reflect or rephrase their words and let them expand on their experience. If you’re curious about something, feel free to ask. Reflect how you see them showing up, whether that’s as animated, calm, or indifferent. Seek to connect with what they value or love.

“When a person realizes he has been deeply heard, his eyes moisten. I think in some real sense he is weeping for joy. It is as though he were saying, "Thank God, somebody heard me. Someone knows what it's like to be me” ― Carl R. Rogers

Follow Aliveness

Trust your experience. Just as a tree moves towards the sunlight, we naturally move toward connection, growth, and aliveness. This may look like sharing what feels edgy or important. It also may look like setting a boundary of what you are available for. Or it may look like dancing and inviting others to join you!

These are more intentions than laws, and part of the invitation is to discover your own principles for relating. Who knows: your experience or insight may cause me to update these principles!

If you’re curious to learn more I highly recommend checking out https://relateful.com/

Art Credit: Cameron Grayson, Sacred Connection. Support her on https://www.camsconsciouscreations.com

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